I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize