Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
