i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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