The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
