you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
