fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
