that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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