if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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