Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
