Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
