i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
