I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize