I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
