how do flat chested girls get laid?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
