i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
