I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
