dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
