Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
