i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize