Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
