Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He shit in the fireplace
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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