Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
