3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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