So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
they're like a gay fantastic four
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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