I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
