Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
