i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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