i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
