Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
