would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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