my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
