what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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