I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
