What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize