i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
