I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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