Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
