Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
my penis made a compromise with my morals
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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