put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
