Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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