I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
