i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My ATM looks so different sober.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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