Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
