im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
