I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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