Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
