some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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