i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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