My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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