Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
