I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
