I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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