Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
