Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
