Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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