You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize