are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
