how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My balls are so social today.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
