Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
