Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Where is the hickey?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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