My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
