he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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