I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
