goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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