I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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