You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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