shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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