I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
