you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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