I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
