I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
