porn star boner night. come get it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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