I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
