when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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