Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
